Instead of trying to change them to be the way you want, how about helping them to change
what they want to change, if they want to change.
Lew complained several times to Sally that he didn’t enjoy living in chaotic surroundings. She
asked him if he wanted any help. He did. She also asked him if it would help if she nagged
him about certain things, in a friendly way. He said yes. Great. He gave her permission. This
is completely different from diving in and doing what we want. This is simple courtesy. If he
expresses a desire to change something ask if he wants help. If yes, great! Ask HOW you can
help. If no, leave him to his own devices and don’t ask again.
Warning: If he seems to like being the way he is and isn’t willing to change, you have 3
choices, ignore it, learn to love it or leave! Changing him is NOT an option. If you threaten or
deprive him he may cave in and stay, but you will create a eunuch out of your man. Is that
really what you want? I don't think so!!!
Laugh at life, yourself and with him
If you can laugh first at yourself, then you can laugh with others as they laugh at you and
everyone has a great time.
Amy’s low self-esteem prompted her to look for double meaning in every comment Charles
made to her. He once made a joke about her abysmal map reading. She went all sulky,
jumped at him and said ‘are you trying to put me down. You think I’m useless don’t you… etc
’. Charles told me that he wasn’t criticising just laughing at something in a friendly way. He
also said he felt he had to censor his usually cynical humour because Amy just didn’t seem
able to laugh at herself. Amy was crap at map reading and if she’d learned to love herself
more, she’d have had no problem seeing the funny side.
A secure woman knows her limitations and knows where she excels and where she doesn’t.
Her confidence allows her to laugh and make fun of the things she isn’t quite so good at.
Celebrate what you do best and laugh at the rest
When a boyfriend once complained about my total failure to map read [this is a complaint
common to women it appears and has something to do with the way our brains are wired!].. I
laughed and said ‘you know I’m crap at this so I shouldn’t be doing it. Perhaps we’d better
find something for me to do that I’m good at, like giving you a blow job!’ Laughter was
followed by a great evening!
When you learn to laugh at yourself first, you can double your fun by laughing at yourself with
your lover . There is loving fun poking and resentful fun poking and there are times when some
sensitivity is called for. Only laugh at someone in loving fun. Being able to laugh at yourself
and feel good while doing so is a sign of a healthy balanced person and it gives other people
permission to join in. Never laugh at yourself because you are afraid others will do so. Only
do so because you find it funny. If you can’t read the warning below.
Warning: If you or your man have a problem laughing at yourself, you may need to indulge in
a little personal awareness and growth. It'll happen when you're ready. So chill out and after
this next commercial break. we’re going to look at how to be come his treasured sauce of
intimacy.
Become his treasured source of intimacy and
more...
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P.S. - Peta Heskell is author of the book Flirt
Coach published in the USA.
You can access her
website at:www.flirtcoach.com
Following is a list of readings that we recommend for you:
-
Her
Secrets - You Can Have Now ! -Finally, a
complete guide that shows you how to drive any man crazy with seduction
and sex techniques never seen before! You will become so much sexier that
you will blow your man's mind. More>>
-
Discover
the Secrets Behind Great Sex...
- Discover
The Secrets Behind Great Sex...More>>
-
The
Art of Love Making -Do
you want to learn new ways to bring excitement
into your lovemaking?
Find
out more>>
Are you hoping that there is help for
sexual problems that are tearing your relationship apart? Find
out more>>
-
??LOVER
QUIZ?? -
What
food and drink you should avoid the 24 hours before making love? More>>