Women's Sexuality - the harmful effect premarital sex:

Dear Young Women,

I want to share my answer to a seventeen-year-old girl's question: How do you have sex? I thought it was important enough to put on the home page because so many girls ask and because, along with answering the question, I'm always compelled to give them my reasons why they should consider very carefully if they really are ready to take that step. Sex is wonderful, but only for the right reasons, with the right person and at the right time.

the harmful effect premarital sex:

There's not much to having sex. The male puts his penis inside a woman's vagina. He has an orgasm causing him to ejaculate, and sometimes, she has an orgasm, causing the sperm to be pulled further up into her body to raise the probability of becoming pregnant. That's sex, the simple biology. I'll give you some more "loving" details after I do my lecture, which I feel obligated to give you.

Being responsible about your sexuality is an important part of having sex. First, I caution girls to not have sex too early. There are several reasons.

1) Sex causes pregnancy. If you have sex, you're taking a huge risk of altering the course of your life forever and limiting most of your choices. Throughout most of human history, people married and created families in their teens. That had to do with survival of the species. Make babies when you're young and strong and before you die in your thirties or forties. Today, most people aren't even finished with school until late teens or early twenties. They must find a job so they can be economically stable enough to marry and have children. Quality of life insists we wait.

2) There are over two hundred sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) some of which can kill you, others can cause you to become sterile and never be able to have children. Most STDs don't have noticeable symptoms until later on.

3) The more partners a woman has the higher her risk of cervical cancer, especially if she started early. The earlier you start the greater likelihood of multiple partners. The younger a girl starts having sex, the less responsible she is in who she has sex with.

To be continued below...

4) When a female has sexual intercourse, there is actually a bonding hormone that is released. Sometimes a girl gets attached to someone who isn't that good for her, but because she had sex with him, she wants to stay with him. She's bonded, stuck, unable to walk away from him, even when she knows he's a bad choice for her. The reason for this hormone is that you might become pregnant and if that happens, you need him to help care for you and protect you. That's part of our ancient biology. A pregnant woman needed a hunter to provide for her. But today, because we don't mate and have babies in our teens (at least not usually on purpose) it's good to wait as long as possible.

5) It takes wisdom and self-determination to choose a sex partner wisely. You want someone who cares, who respects you, and who will be there for you, don't you? Most young women are not emotionally ready to enter into a physical relationship with a boy or man. The wisdom is not yet developed.

6) Guys gossip about who they have sex with and if you start too young and/or have too many partners, you get labeled easy, cheap and a whore, even though you might be the sweetest girl on the planet. A girl may think she's popular but the reality is guys want to have sex and aren't usually that fussy about who it's with. It's not worth being branded for many years to come.

7) More of a caution than a reason: I hear from many girls who think they need to give a guy sex to win him or keep him as a boyfriend. Why would you want a guy who doesn't really care about the real you? And if he cares about you and respects you, he'll not push it. A lot of guys just want to "score" so they can tell their friends they've had sex and are no longer a virgin. That's a pretty stupid reason to risk pregnancy and disease.

So those are several reasons not to have sex until you are with someone who truly loves you, respects you, makes you feel special, and when both of you are old enough to handle the consequences of getting pregnant. If your partner cares for you and respects you, he will want to wear a condom each and every time you have sex. EACH AND EVERY TIME. If he won't, that means he does not care and certainly doesn't respect you. Good to find out early on. Dump him. Yes, you CAN get pregnant the first time you have sex. And you should know that condoms are not 100% safe. They can break, come off or have a tiny hole.

So, on to your question, how to make love... Most important, go slow, pay attention to your emotional and physical comfort, and don't ignore any signals that tell you to stop. If you do, you'll be upset with yourself later, and you can't go back and undo it. You need to feel safe and comfortable, both physically and emotionally. Don't ever make yourself do something you don't want to do.

It usually starts with lots of kissing, then touching parts of each other's bodies that like being touched. All of that builds arousal. Guys usually get aroused much quicker than girls. Part of a girl's arousal is going on inside of her, where she is becoming lubricated so intercourse is comfortable. On the outside the clitoris, which is made of the same kind of tissue and nerves as a penis, is being aroused. All of this feels good.

When it comes time for intercourse, it's unusual for sex to be satisfying for girls and young women. That's because they don't yet know their bodies, they're embarrassed to be naked, to be touched in new places and they are insecure about their bodies and whether or not they're doing it "right." Anything that takes away from focusing on pleasure takes away from the possibility of having an orgasm. Another significant reason they don't enjoy it that much is that most boys, and even most men, don't really know how to make love to a woman. They go too fast, don't spend enough time on kissing and touching, wanting to get to the "real" thing as soon as possible. And when they do get to intercourse, they don't know how to go slow and prolong it. They reach orgasm way too soon and they're done long before their partner is ready to have an orgasm. I'm telling you this because I want you to be prepared for an experience that's likely to not involve rockets and fireworks. What I mean is that it won't be like in the movies.

I recommend girls masturbate so they learn what they like and how their bodies experience orgasm. Otherwise, how are they to expect a guy to know what to do? Females are kind of complicated and it takes some learning to figure it out. If you don't know how to masturbate, click here.

If you and your partner love each other, are gentle with each other, tell each other what you like and what's uncomfortable, you'll have a good experience. If you're doing it with someone just to be doing it or to win him over, it probably will be pretty unfulfilling. It's a huge step to take and I recommend you consider seriously if it's really what you want to do.

I caution you because I care...and because I got pregnant at nineteen, before I was married. So I know what I'm talking about.

Be wise,
(Ms. Magic)

P.S. - This article was written by Kara Oh and was 

original published at: http://www.alluringyou.com, Kare Oh is author of "Men Made Easy"

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