|
Questions:
Do you think a friendship is possible after a very painful breakup (initiated
by me) with a commitment phobic guy, after 6 years of very intense
relationship? We never lived together (he is 54, 12 years older than me). He insists that we stay friends, I tried but it is killing me. I decided to
break up totally this time and asked him not to call me anymore. I could not take it anymore - replace what I had by a small part of it. I
think we were both pretending it could work. He just cannot imagine I might
completely disappear from his life. I must admit I cannot either, but I hate half things - either the whole or
nothing at all. Am I too extremist? Thanks for replying. >>
To
be continued as below...
Peta replies:
In my experience it is very common for the person who is the least emotionally tied to the relationship to be quite happy to stay friends. I
think and this is just my opinion, that there are some men who are content
for a relationship to 'jog along' even if they don't want to commit and
aren't convinced this person is 'the one'. If you allow this to happen,
it may be even more painful when at some time he meets someone and falls for
them. He must let go and allow you to get on with your life. And, no you
are not being extremeist, you are following your interest to protect yourself.
Just because you have initiated the ending doesn't mean that you are the one
who hurts least.. I suspect in your case it's the opposite. Your emotional
attachment seems to have been so strong to this man that it is indeed painful
for you to continue to see him under different circumstances. Sometimes
people just don't realise how much pain we feel when we have to initiate a
break up even though we don't want to.
It's possible that he feels that because you initiated the end, you may well
have worked your way out of the emotional attachment and are ready to just be
friends. I think he is short sighted and hasn't thought this through. He
needs to understand that the one who ends a relationship is not always the
one who feels least pain.
When you break up like this you need time to grieve, time to be alone and
time to let go of the sadness and pain and slowly rebuild your life to
welcome in all the wonders that are out there waiting for you. As long as
he is in your life you will find it difficult not to hope and as a result,
you will be unable to devote your energy to moving on and opening up to new
love.
I suggest you firmly tell him that at the moment, painful as it is, you need
him to understand and help you and the way he can do this is by letting you
go. Tell him that you haven't ruled out the possibility of friendship in
the future but you can only enjoy that kind of relationship when you have got
over the very strong pain and grief you are obviously feeling right now and
that if he isn't prepared to offer you the support and commitment you need he
must let you be free to find it elsewhere.
If he truly wants to be friends, is a good person and isn't just being selfish and hoping to have the good things he got from your relationship
without any commitment, then he will understand and want you to find the
happiness you deserve. A true mark of his desire to be friends is to be able
to let you go.
smiles and good wishes
peta
Checkout
Get your answers from
Ask
Peta
Sindy's
"Yes" or "No" to her lover?
How
to win his love back?
Learn
More about Flirting
Following is a list of readings that we recommend for you:
- If you want your lover to be passionately attracted to you, wanting
you, and craving your touch – you've come to the right place
– That is "Instant Sexy Letters"… I highly recommend it.
See what you think... "Instant Sexy
Letters"
- Are you always afraid you'd do something wrong, or that the
guy wouldn't like it? NOT ANY MORE! If you can't give yourself the
title of Blow-Job Queen after reading this, you'd better put a
mirror in front of your face and see if it fogs up. That is "A to
Z Guide to the Perfect Blow Job"… I highly recommend it. See
what you think... "A to Z Guide to
the Perfect Blow Job"
- With the divorce rate over 55% in the United States today
(and often higher in other countries), it is important to know
your partner as intimately as possible before taking the
plunge!" That is "Compatibility Test"… I highly
recommend it. See what you
think... "Compatibility Test"
- To help you have the most enriching and rewarding
relationship possible, then seriously consider investing in at
least a small amount of study on the subject. That is
"Michael Webb’s
Relationship Collection"… I highly recommend it. See
what you think... "Michael Webb’s
Relationship Collection"
- ??LOVER QUIZ??
What food and drink you should avoid the 24 hours before making love? Click
here now.
| |
|
