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Flirting
"Faked Confidence" Revisited
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Sarah paid for her lunch and looked around for somewhere to sit. Dion was sitting at a table with a couple of friends. . He smiled at her and looked away. Was he flirting with her? She felt her heart pounding faster, noticed those wobbly feelings in her stomach. She could feel her skin flushing and her breathing was erratic. She really really liked him. She had never wanted anything more at that moment than to be able to smile back, walk confidently over to his table, keeping regular eye contact, sit down, look into his eyes and say ‘hi, mind if I sit with you?’. But she couldn’t do that. No Way. Yuk. Then he’d know she liked him and if he didn’t like her back she’d feel so stupid. Everyone would see her being rejected. she’d feel bad and embarrassed. No Way. She shuddered as she listened to herself telling her how bad it could be. The thought of that was too awful to think about. She couldn’t risk that happening to her. No Way. She looked away and down to her left, feeling BAD. The feelings in her stomach were different somehow, not pleasant at all. Not like those she had when she thought of Dion and her together. She sat down and slumped forward, toying with her food, a scowl on her face. And anyway, she said to herself, why would he fancy me, I’m too fat, I’ve got a spot on my nose and my ears stick out. She started to feel very depressed. She pushed away her tray, and rushed out of the room. “Another opportunity lost”, she said to herself. “Sarah you are pathetic”. But somewhere deep down inside lies a good fairy whose task is to make Sarah’s life wonderful. We all have one. To be continued as below...
It’s the memory of how we were once before people started telling us stupid stories about how life should, is and must be. It’s who we are, uniquely wonderful, open and happy and curious about the world around us. It’s us smiling and waking up each day thinking about what wonderful things might happen. It’s us knowing what’s wonderful about us and knowing we can have anything we want and the world is a magical place. It’s how we were when we were babies. We all know how to do it because we can go back into memories of those times, sometimes memories that we can’t consciously recall. And you have had those moments when you were being you, and everything worked out brilliantly.. and that’s what’s going to save Sarah and to save you. Because what I do is show people how to get back to how they were before they learned how to criticise, hate, despise and be angry with themselves because you don’t match up to someone else’s ideal. The only ideal you have to match up to is that which is you. And if you are feeling bad about yourself, it’s because you are trying to be something you aren’t meant to be. Something that one person or many people over a period of time have told you is the way to be. You have been programmed with beliefs that may not suit you. If they don’t you can learn to get rid of them and start believing in things that empower you and give you hope and motivate you. It takes time, and for some they are ready to be shot off into space and soar. Others have to climb out of their hole, shake themselves off.
We all have different ways of learning and making progress in improving our lives. There is no standard only a requirement that you do want to become better and you are prepared to put in the work or play! In this column, I will be discussing the stuff you write to me about. I get letters from people all over the world, and you know, most people have the same challenges. We give labels to them like Fear of Rejection, or Lack of Self Esteem. But you know, all of them stem from the same thing. If you have these problems, it is because you aren’t being yourself enough or aren’t liking yourself. And one thing I want you to know from the off is that I’m no guru. I don’t sit here living the perfect life telling you all how to live your lifes. I am a person living my life, trying to do what I love doing, pay the rent, help other people, be a friend to people, working on a relationship. I struggle to communicate sometimes and sometimes I wake up feeling depressed or stressed. And each time it happens I think about it, talk about it and write about it and then I have to do what I tell others to do. So I’m in there with you. Sometimes I have ‘fear of rejection’ and I hesitate to communicate. Sometimes I feel unattractive… but I know how to get out of it and get back to being me, at my best, truly wonderful and magnificent..and then life becomes sweet and great. And that’s all I’m offering to you. Some insights, some stories and some things to think about If you are reading this and still are, then you are definitely ready to take steps to change your life. You read on because something drew you. Think of this as a door, and when you enter it, you enter a room with many other doors. Some will be doors that I show you and some you will become aware of as you open yourself out. Have fun and remember it’s the adventure of YOUR life. Are you watching it go by or are you on it, living every moment… ? Get your answers from Ask Peta Sindy's "Yes" or "No" to her lover? P.S. - Peta Heskell is author of the book Flirt Coach published in the USA by Harper Collins/Thorsons in June 01. You can access her website at:www.flirtcoach.com Following is a list of readings that we recommend for you:
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