The Case for Premarital Sex

We're hearing a lot of support these days for virginity and abstinence. These are fine concepts but may actually be missing the point. Let's take a closer look at pre-marital sex.

Premarital Sex Facts And Statistics:

To begin with, why are some people advocating virginity and abstinence? The arguments generally fall into these categories:

1. Disease prevention

2. Pregnancy prevention

3. Religious reasons

4. Social factors

5. Manipulation to achieve a particular goal

These reasons relate to the problems with sex. In fact, many people blame sex for all sorts of difficulties they've had in life. Perhaps bad sexual choices have created problems, but there many good, compelling  reasons why you shouldn't give up sex, or even wait until you're married.

Let's explore some of these:

Expectations

Today, most people look forward to healthy, active sex lives. Each of us have preferences and make choices about our sexual practices, but in general we want our partners to be sexually capable and compatible.

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as the "natural born lover" any more than there is such a thing as "natural compatibility". Learning to be a sexual person takes practice. Learning to be a good lover and sexual partner takes both practice and study. While there are many books on the subject and one can certainly learn basic techniques, there is no substitute for actual experience. Too many sexual issues just can't be addressed properly by a book.

Many people don't really understand this, and believe that there is a "magic button" or a particular technique that will work for all partners. In fact, this is exactly the opposite. Everyone has their own unique, personal needs when it comes sex. No manual is going to give you the "keys to the kingdom" with everyone you meet.

So, where do you get this education? Through experience. Further, a single partner isn't going to give you everything you need to know. In fact, it's often difficult to get people to open up about their sexuality and incorrect beliefs are formed. The only way to become a good lover is through experience with multiple partners.

To be continued below...

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Why would you want to be a good lover in the first place? Isn't it enough to learn exactly what your partner likes and do only that? Let me ask you this - is it enough to find a single restaurant and only eat there for the rest of your life? Of course not.

Constantly having sex in exactly the same way every time is a recipe for boredom. People WANT passion in their lives - especially in the bedroom. How are you going to keep things fresh with only a single set of tricks and without some sort of perspective? This becomes even more important as relationships "mature". Often, sex is the first thing to suffer as other pressures of the relationship grow.

Whether you're a man or a woman, your partner will expect that you have at least some sexual skills. If you have sexual hang-ups or problems, these often will translate directly to the quality of your relationship. You want to get these handled BEFORE you set out to find the love of your life and hope they'll put up with a lack of sexual capability!

One last perspective on expectation: what are you really saying to your partner if you were sexual at one time and decide to become celibate - are you telling them that any future relationship with you (even marriage) will also be sexless - or even "sex-reduced"? Actions speak louder than words. You can say anything you want, but you're constantly expressing your inner-most self through your actions.

Education

Humans are "hands-on" learners. We are able to translate individual experiences into much greater meanings in our lives. Just look at the lessons you learned in school. Many of them became important clues into how the world works even though the lesson wasn't directly related.

Sex is like this too. We learn volumes about ourselves and others through intimate contact. We begin to see ourselves as "people of a world of people" rather than unrelated individuals. Becoming good at sex gives you new tools to communicate with others - many of them non-sexual. It also give you perspective and wisdom.

Wow - all of this through sex? Yes, absolutely. By learning to communicate without words (and sometimes with them, but in different ways), you learn to understand the essence of people.

There are many types of, and reasons for sex, but the most important is communication. What if you were just dropped into a land where you didn't know the language? Would you stubbornly refuse to talk to anyone unless they first knew YOUR language? Of course not - you probably wouldn't survive very long.

Sex is like this too. When you're young, your partners will forgive you if you aren't very capable sexually. As you get older and meet more experienced people, they tend to be less forgiving and expect that you will have some level of sophistication about sex. Where are you going to learn this language if you don't practice it?

General Health and Disease Prevention

Huh? We've all heard about all the sexually transmitted diseases. How can you prevent disease by HAVING sex? Simple. The sexual organs are like any other in the body. By using them you exercise them and keep them healthy.

It has been understood for some time that sexual problems can directly relate to physical ones. One example is found in "body syndromes". These are cases of physical problems that relate directly to sexual ones. For example, some people start experiencing problems in the low back, legs and arms in relation to sexual problems.

A recent study by Charles Nunn, a behavioral ecologist at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville may suggest that more promiscuous sex may actually exercise and strengthen the immune system. This in turn helps the body to ward off disease. 

Dr. Larry Clapp states, "Good health - and a healthy prostate - depend on a regular, happy sex life... It's no accident that the highest incident of prostate cancer occurs in celibate men." 

Many studies suggest that the simple act of climax may have important benefits. Almost everyone is already aware of the stress-relief factors involved in orgasm, and in fact, many people use masturbation and sex for exactly this purpose.

There are many other studies that conclude other health benefits of sex - that a healthy sex life helps to promote many other health benefits. However, don't rely on these studies alone - what about your own experiences? Do you feel better about yourself and your world when your sex life is healthy?

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